Friday, March 23, 2012

First Will and Testament

David and I have never written a will.  This is completely unacceptable at our age, I know.  We own a house.  We had three children.  But the truth is we never got around to it.  It never seemed particularly important. 

I never really thought it would matter what happened to my stuff when I was gone.  It is just stuff after all.  Stuff can be replaced.  Stuff can be bought.  Stuff can be thrown away.  There is stuff in this house that David and I don't even know we own.  How important could it be?
But suddenly, right before our trip to Baltimore earlier this month, David called me and said he was going to purchase Quicken's Willmaker that day at lunch.  It was on sale for half price so no time like the present!  We could fill it out at home and voila, it would be done.  Finally.  At least we don't need to decide who takes the kids anymore.

Notice I said "who takes the kids", not "who gets the kids".  A subtle but necessary distinction.

Nearly a month later and the box is still sitting on my desk unopened and uninstalled. 

The back of the box says "Complete documents at your own pace".  At this pace we will need the upgrade: Willmaker Plus 2037.  And yes, I see that my calendar on the wall is behind.

So as I prepare to head off on my next trip, I make a my few of my wishes known here because as David likes to say, "you never can tell".  We know what goes on in the world today.  We watch Criminal Minds.

I am sure this is completely legally binding so to those listed here...don't get any ideas.
To my dad:  My genealogy research.  Be sure David gets you the 2 PowerPoint presentations off my computer: "How to Know if Your Cousin is a First Cousin" and "What to do if Your Dad is also your Half Uncle".  These explain the hierarchy of cousins and how to know if someone is "removed".  (Hint:  This doesn't have anything to do with divorce.)  I further request that you pass this down to Aaron in your will.

Here's an exerpt from one of the slideshows so you can confirm he gave you the right one.  Feel free to click the picutre for a larger image.

To my mom:  My "Advice from a Tree" print.  You bought this for me the weekend we spent exploring my favorite city together (and getting lost on Embarcadero..."I'm not walking up that hill").  This is still one of my favorite things, the trip and the print.

Purchased at Muir Woods oustide of San Francisco.  If you are ever in the area, I highly recommend it.

To my kids:  You are of course entitled to the stuff you didn't take with you when you left home.  Also, feel free to take the things you gave me or made me over the years.  I have a lot of it in the house.  And some more in the garage.  And probably some in the attic.
He was always my favorite.  Calm down girls, I am talking about Chicken, not your brother.

To my niece Ashley:  My Nemo car antennae ball.

I know you don't have a car yet but as you can see, he makes a good wireless router antennea ball too.

To my sister-in-law Cathy:  My art supplies and fabric.  This should keep you out of the craft and fabric stores for at least a month.  Okay, a week.

This is just SOME of the fabric I have but compared to some stashes I have seen, I am a total amateur.

To my brother Aaron:  Nothing.  You should be used to this by now.  Hang in there, the genealogy will all be yours someday.

To David:  Obviously everything I have is already yours and you can do with what I leave behind as you please.  I would like you to keep the Festivus pole Ashley made and celebrate it in my honor.  You know I never was a big fan of "Hallmark" holidays.  Be sure you get together and remind them all that, "I've got a lot of problems with you people!"

A Festivus for the rest of us.  Ashely and Blake, you start The Feats of Strength.

To the world:  I leave you David.  He will be here without me and I am not sure he will know how to behave with all of that freedom.  The movie collection might grow so large you will have to nominate him for an episode of TLC's Hoarders: Buried Alive. 

I couldn't get an exact count because The Movie Database is not up to date.  The current estimate is around 950.  As you can see, there is room to expand if he takes over the grandbaby's toy overflow area.

And someone take him out for a meal now and then.  A person can't survive on frozen pizza, spicy pork rinds, and spaghettios forever.


  1. Woo hoo! Room to expand the movie collection!

  2. I will be obsessing over the Nemo antenna ball...totally boss!

  3. screw chicken mom you know i am the favorite

  4. Blake, you are right but it is our secret. Don't tell anyone.