Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness: Missoula, MT

When David saw that our local REI was having the Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness class (and it is FREE), he immediately sent me a text and signed us up.  We wanted to take this class when they offered it last year but I was out of town.  I'm glad he waited for me because I had a lot to learn.

 

They took us in the back storage room for the class. The sign is a little confusing.  They are directing us to go right for the class but then at the bottom are warning us of Zombies and to Keep Out!  We decide to risk it.

They are set up for about 40 people.  We are the 2nd to arrive.  I wondered if the three of us there would be it but they filled a little more than half of the seats.  Most were couples like us, one in the back had a newborn with them.  The guy sitting next to me is a little on the odd side.  You might be thinking, You went to a Zombie Preparedness class and people living in houses Zombies can break into shouldn't throw stones.  But he is weird in the way that makes you think that he thinks the show The Walking Dead is a documentary.  Incidentally, I have never watched a single episode of that show.  David would sometimes watch when I was in the room doing something else or in the next room and the sounds alone are enough to run me off.  Like when the kids were teenagers and were trying to watch Saw in the living room and I could hear it in my office.  I made them turn it off.

 

I'm not sure if she is supposed to be a Zombie or if she was in an earthquake and had to dig out of her house or what.  This poster from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC)  was on the door we entered through.  I visited the website listed at the bottom (emergency.cdc.gov).  No mention of Zombies. 

 

The class lasted about 45 minutes and the instructor actually has a masters degree in emergency preparedness (no emphasis on Zombies).  This class is basic emergency preparedness (they were honest about this at registration) with some funny stuff thrown in about Zombies.

There are some handouts and slides to explain the stages of Zombieness?  Zombieism?  

The one that I struggled with the most was smell.  Zombies smell bad.  But several times during the presentation hygiene came up - or more specifically - the possibility that hygiene won't be high on the priority list in any emergency.  We might start to smell bad.  How can I tell if David has turned zombie or not when his BO takes over?  And what about teenaged boys?  They smell bad all of the time.  Do we kill them and not take any chances?  As the mother of a son, I found teenage boys to be generally useless so I might have to give this more thought if the you-know-what hits the fan.  Even our dog Karma didn't like teenage boys.  Every puberty-riddled male that walked through our door made her bark and growl and caused her back hair to get up.  No other group of people or individual person makes her do that.  

You know what they say...dogs sense evil.

 

If you are inclined to deal with your hygiene, these towels might come in handy.  They are only slightly bigger than my thumb.  As their tag line points out it is "The Only Towel That is a Survival Tool".  Could be true.  If David smells good he is less likely to get accidentally hacked up with my Sog Tomahawk.  That would be ironically sad too since he was the one who bought it for me.  

During the presentation they show things that you can buy at REI, obviously this is expected.  But she didn't cram it down our throats and she also showed clothes that can't be purchased there, food that came from the regular grocery store and other things purchased elsewhere.  She also provided websites and information on other companies, some that I had no idea existed.  Like Zombie Tools.  This company is even based here in Missoula and they make tools appropriate for Zombie eradication - swords, knives and bladed instruments of all kinds.  After checking them out, I don't understand how Helena made the #1 city for Zombie Apocalypse survival in Montana.  

 I am set for blades.  David bought me a machete a couple of years ago that I carry when we hike and also the aforementioned Sog tomahawk.  He tried to tell me when I mentioned wanting it that the Sog isn't for chopping wood, it is for killing people.  I said, "What's your point?"  He is a very trusting man.

There were several things I learned in the class that I didn't know and other things I knew but might not have thought about again had she not mentioned them.  I took a lot of notes and it did cross my mind that people (the instructor in particular) probably thought I was the odd one because I was the only one doing that.  Here are a couple of notes I made that need to be shared:

• A shovel is probably your best choice for a weapon/tool combo.  You can use it "to bash a zombies head and to bury your poop".
• Boots are also a good choice as a multi-purpose purchase.  They are good for warmth, difficult terrain and "smashing brains".
• Guns are not a good choice.  Ammo is heavy, you will eventually run out and the noise attracts more zombies.
• Slow moving zombies are called Walkers.  My maiden name is Walker.  Take what you will from that.
• You will get bored.  Pack something to entertain yourself.  I mentioned this to a lady I work with and she immediately produced and gifted to me a tiny deck of cards.  

After class, I thought more about this than I expected.  Not about the zombies but about being prepared in an emergency.  David and I have a lot of the things they suggested we have but I realized they aren't all in one place.  If we had to evacuate our house in a hurry, we would be hard pressed to get it all together.  Iin a place like Montana where it is early November as I write this and we already have snow, we need to be prepared to be outdoors in harsh weather.  It is easy to think we will never need to leave in an emergency or to "shelter-in-place" but it happens.  We have already had a flood at our house (we have hip-waders hanging on a hook in the garage because of this, they could be handy in the future).  We could get snowed in.  There could be a wildfire (there was one not far from here the second year we lived here).  There could be an earthquake. 

I brought up what I was thinking about a few times  over the next several days with David.  He openly told me he was concerned that I might go too far and become a "prepper".  Until I make him dig a pit in the backyard for a secret underground schoolbus shelter (a real thing, look it up), I think he is overreacting that I might be overreacting.  I did investigate some things on the Internet including the CDC website and Ready.gov, the website the instructor suggested.  Most of these had the same lists of things you should have in your Emergency Kit.  It just so happened that I recently emptied a large Rubbermaid tub like the one the instructor showed so I decided it was time for us to make a kit.  Here's what I put in it.  The items with an * are things we already owned, I just had to locate them.

• 2 pair of inexpensive work gloves
• a set of 3 crescent wrenches in various sizes
• box of kitchen trash bags* (good for hygiene or trash)
• box of contractor bags* (can be used to seal up windows/doors for pandemic or hazmat problems)
• roll of duct tape (we had this but I bought a fresh roll)
• 2 Life Straws (lets you drink from potentially contaminated sources without treating first)
• 2 particle respirator masks (we also had these but they are well used so I got new ones, they were $1)
• a BBQ lighter
• 2 small flashlight/glow stick combos in red (the recommended color)
• Notebook/pen/pencil/sharpie*
• Tiny Deck of Cards*
• 2 sticks of Chapstick
• Bug spray & sunscreen
• Toilet paper - wet and dry* variety (this will be the new economy by the way)
• 2 large lantern-style flashlights with extra batteries (one of the flashlights is in the hall by the garage door, one and the batteries in the kit)

I put the kit in the hall closet where I keep my winter weather clothes: snow pants, coats, hats, gloves, scarves.  I could grab what I need when I get The Kit.  David also has a lot of camping stuff in the garage that could be quickly thrown in the truck, stuff like tents and cooking gear).

I also added the recommended first aid items to The Kit:

• Various bandages and bandaids*
• Scissors*
• Non-latex surgical type gloves* (I put in 4 pair and if you are wondering why I already had this, I dye fabric sometimes and it keeps my hands from staining.)
• Medical tape*
• Tweezers (I couldn't find mine which you would know if you looked at my eyebrows so I bought a replacement and one for the kit)
• Instant cold compress
• Bendaryl - liquid* and cream
•  Tylenol* and Advil*
• Asprin (for a heart attack)
• Imodium* (because, diarrhea, if the Life Straws don't work as advertised)
• Petroleum Jelly (could double as "entertainment" in a pinch)
• Hydrocortisone cream
• Rubbing alcohol
• Wet Wipes*

And Food/Water:

• 10 Gallons of water (we had none, they recommend 1 gallon per person for a minimum of 3 days for both hydration and sanitation/hygiene/cooking, more if you have special needs or a pet - which we do).  This the only thing not physically in the kit, it is on a shelf in the garage.  We could chunk in a vehicle of we had to go.  If we were at home, the ground water wasn't contaminated and we could get outside, we are on a well and could pump more.
• 2 cans of Spam (they actually don't recommend this because it is salty and bad for hydration but I had to get something David will eat)
•  2 pkgs Tyson white chicken chunks
• 2 cans of sardines in oil (for me, David will NOT eat these, even in an emergency)
• A large jar of Peanut Butter
• 1 box of 8 Atkins chocolate PB bars (low sugar - David is diabetic)
• 1 box of 4 Kind bars in chocolate/sea salt flavor

If we had to leave the house for more than a week, we wouldn't have enough food so I need to keep working on that. If we stayed here, I always have rice and potatoes and other staples on hand.  There is a Costco in Missoula.  I don't have a membership because I despise that place but they do have this:

 

This is the SMALL one.  If you look in the sidebar there is another bigger one for the bargain price of almost $4,000.  That will have to wait until David digs our secret pit.

 

I needed dry milk to make some bread a few days after the class and found that the store down the street only carries a Zombie Apocalypze size box - like this one of the same size at WalMart.  That is a 4 LB box.  If I bought this for The Kit I would have to buy 4 pounds of chocolate Nesquik to go with it or David would never touch it.

 

Poking around the Internet I also found you can get this Zombie Extermination, Research and Operations kit on the OpticsPlanet website.  For a bargain basement price of just under $24k.  

I don't think I have gone that far over the edge.  I did think that we needed to also prep our vehicles (again, cold and snowy here) so in the back of my car I now have (I also made David a car kit with minor changes):

• A bag of kitty litter (for traction, not hygiene); David is to get sand for his truck, it helps add weight to the tail end and can be used for traction (he had this in the past but we used it up sandbagging during our flood)
• 12 16oz bottles of water
• A fleece blanket*
• A sleeping bag*
• A first aid kit
• Wet Wipes*
• A flashlight and extra batteries
• A change of clothes* (I didn't do this for David)
• A 4 pack box of those same Kind bars (also just me)
• Ice scraper, snow broom*
• I can of Fix-A-Flat

I realized during this exercise that I don't even own jumper cables.  David is presently researching a stand alone jumper kit for my car so we can order it today.  When that arrives, I will make him take me out and show me how to use it.  I also want him to show me how to change my tire.  I did this exactly once something like 20 years ago and I put it on backwards (Remember that mom?).  Who knew you could even do that?  I am also ordering 2 NOAA compliant emergency radios (one for The Kit and one for my car) and 2 tools for breaking auto glass and cutting seat belts (one for each vehicle).  

The last thing they covered that I never really considered was evacuating while at work.  This is particularly stupid of me since I have had to leave my hotel room more than once due to fire alarms.  Once, it wasn't a false alarm and I couldn't find my room keys.  I had to stand at the front desk bra-less in my sleepwear to get a replacement key when they let us back in.  All while meeting a customer for the first time.  Not good.  Now I make sure to leave clothes (including a bra) and shoes readily accessible and put my car and room keys in my purse by the door before I go to bed.  I also added a small first aid kit and flashlight to the bag I carry on the plane when I travel.

The Ready.gov website had a list of items you should keep at your desk in case you have to shelter-in-place or evacuate and walk a long distance (again, prepared for extremes like the cold if you live in Montana).  Since I work at home, I have the whole kit here.  But David could have this happen.  I figure the kit in his truck can double for this.  Since he works at the airport, they have a pretty relaxed dress code and it can get cold in the hanger so he is usually prepared for that.  Being diabetic, he needs to keep some food in his desk and truck.  I am leaving it to him to handle that.  That is probably naive of me but he is a grown man after all.  I am also trying to get better about hanging my keys up when I get home so I know where they are and knowing where my shoes are since I rarely wear them when I am in the house.

There was one thing that they didn't cover in the class that was already ingrained in me by my dad.  Gas.  Not the "I hope you put Gas-X in The Kit" kind of gas but the gas in your car kind.  David is really bad about letting his truck and/or my car if he drove it last get really low on gas.  Less than 1/4 of a tank bothers me but he is okay with waiting for the light to come on.  And then waiting some more.  I finally told him (after more than 25 years of marriage) that this drives me crazy.  What if we had an emergency in the middle of the night?  If the Zombies are coming at 1 am you don't want to have to stop and get gas.  But in all seriousness, what if one of us was sick or injured?  We live 30 miles out of the nearest city with a hospital and we only have a volunteer fire department.  Our next door neighbor recently collapsed at home and had to be taken in an ambulance to Missoula and then taken to Salt Lake by CareFlight.  If I had to stop and get gas during a time like that I would probably freak out.  I am going to train him to start leaving more gas in the vehicles, maybe it will only take another 25 years of nagging gentle reminding.

As a former fireman, dad also preached that you change the batteries in your smoke detectors when the time changes.  Ours were changed recently (they were chirping at us) so instead, we bought replacement 9-volts for all 7 of them to have on hand.  But the other thing I will do now, based on this class, is update the kit at the same time.  I asked the instructor how often she rotates her food and other items that expire (like medicine) and she said she would do it that weekend, when time changed.  That weekend, I put The Kit together and went through our cabinets (food and medicine) and got rid of anything that was overly expired (defined by me as more than a year).  Like the sunscreen that expired in 2007.  For someone that can get a sunburn sitting in my office in a long sleeved shirt with the curtains drawn, it was particularly sad that I let that go so far past.  No more, I have a schedule now.

And because my dad taught me these extra lessons I decided I wanted to pay it forward.  I will be at his house next weekend and his birthday was yesterday so I got him a few things (don't tell him if you see him, I want it to be a surprise):

1. A solar-powered hand-crank emergency radio with am-fm-weather options.
2. A monogrammed (Stanley) Swiss-army style tool that has a mini-ax on the top.

 3.  For his food supply.  He considers Eagle Brand one of the 4 food groups.

I am feeling fairly confident there will be an emergency requiring pancakes at his house next Saturday.  I can teach my grandkids to improvise with their utensils using dad's multi-tool and to crank the radio until NOAA comes in while we ensure these products don't make it past their expiration date. 

My daughter knows how to make a fire by rubbing sticks together.  I think I will schedule her to teach a lesson after breakfast.  It is never too soon to start teaching the next generation of preppers.

 

Ghost Hunting at the Old Montana State Prison: Deer Lodge, MT

A ghost made me throw up.  It could have been the tostadas I ate right before we left but I really think it was the ghost sitting on my dashboard.

David somehow found out about a ghost tour being hosted by the Old Montana State Prison museum.  The prison, which is on the National Register of Historic Places, opened when Montana was still just a territory back in 1871.  It officially closed in 1979 and all inmates were moved to a new facility.  Our tour guide, Mel, tells us that over 200 people died in the prison over the years.  Some murdered, some suicide, some natural causes.  The tour will take us through the prison grounds and out into several different buildings.  After the official tour ends, we will be allowed to go back out anywhere we want (that isn't expressly blocked off or locked) on our own.  Did I mention the tour doesn't even start until 10 pm?  We have to check out with the front desk and leave the premises no later than 2 am.

Deer Lodge is almost 2 hours from our house.  We set out around 7:30 because that's how David and I roll.  If you aren't early, you are late.  I am driving and David is looking up apps to download that have ghost hunting capabilities.  The museum has encouraged people to bring any equipment they want.  After downloading the GhostObserver app, David discovers there is a ghost right in front of him on the dashboard of my car.  I guess I could have been on the hood but I can't see it so I can't be sure.  Right after this happens, I get the very strong feeling that I am going to throw up.  This is not because I am afraid of ghosts, I'm not.  I am pretty sure my grandmother Meriam, who I have written about before, has been hanging out with me since her death on Halloween in 2000.

The feeling goes down a bit but never leaves me the rest of the night.  In fact, about 60 miles into the drive, I have to pull over.  Later, at the exit for Deer Lodge, I go to the first gas station I can find, primarily because we are going to be almost a hour early, but also to see how clean the bathroom is.  I can personally attest to the reasonable cleanliness of the Conoco station there.  I had a pretty intimate look.

 

As a rule, I hate most pictures of me and this one is no exception.  In fairness, it is almost 10 pm, it is cold out, my bed is a distant 100 miles or so away and my tostadas decided to make an encore performance tonight.  It could be worse.

There is a gift shop where the 22 of us here to take this tour mill around waiting to get started.  When the time comes, the guide has us gather around and the stories begin immediately.  She is telling us about a riot that happened back in 1959 and how the National Guard had to be called in.  The assistant warden has his throat cut.  One inmate shoots another (who was also his lover) and then himself.  Somehow a national guardsman ends up with a fragment of the first inmates skull and part of his jaw with three teeth still attached.

 

He has since gifted them to the prison.  They tell us that in the meantime, these have been used in cadaver dog training.

While she is telling us this really detailed, horrific story, a very large spider descends from the ceiling right in the middle of the group.

 

Yeah, not that one but he might as well have been that large.  One woman freaks out and backs away from the group.  Her friends are helpfully telling her there will be more spiders in the prison.  They seem to enjoy her distress.  In the meantime, the real spider is knocked to the floor and becomes the most recent murder victim at this prison.

This tour was worth the drive and the fee.  Even if we hadn't been allowed to go back out alone to our possible death or severe psychological trauma (which we of course had to sign a waver for), it still would have been interesting.  They spent almost 3 hours taking us around and that time flew by.  Even with me not feeling good.

 

Deer Lodge isn't a big city so there isn't a lot of ambient light here.  We are issued flashlights.  David and I are sharing and it is nearly inadequate at times. A few people brought headlamps or higher quality flashlights from home and that helps.  When we went back out on our own we got a second one from the museum and we are barely able to see a few feet in front of us.

 

We spend time both outside and in the prison buildings.  As you walk by these barred cell windows, it does give one the sense of being watched.  I shine my flashlight up in the rooms as we go by and I don't see anything I shouldn't.

 

Both inside and out we stop periodically to hear a story.  Always about a murder or a death or some gruesome act a prisoner committed.  Twice we stop to use the equipment.  There is a device she has that is supposed to allow spirits to communicate through that device (called an EMF reader).  She played a recording back in the gift shop that was taken the week before.  A woman put the recorder by "the hole" (isolation cell, where of course, an inmate died) and something was recorded that I didn't catch all of.  Something about a "redhead".  Our group hears nothing either time.

 

David and I take these opportunities to consult our apps (incidentally, there are others who brought apps or other personal ghost hunting equipment including a woman who took a large number of Polaroid pictures).  The GhostObserver app located a 192 year old ghost that looks something like an alien.  We also see "specters" and "errant souls" but I don't really understand the difference. Frankly, when you are standing in a dark prison at 1 am, does it matter?

 

Some of the rooms still have equipment and furniture in them.  This is the dentist office.  This one doesn't scare me any more than a present day dentist office.  They are all equally terrifying. 

 

Every once in a while, there is a mannequin.  I won't lie, these startle me every time.  The people in the group get strung out and separated sometimes and they never scare me but these always do.

We went around poking around in dark places, talking about scary events, stopping to listen and record what ultimately was nothing, but that doesn't mean nothing happened.

We were inside the original women's prison.  Something like a dozen cells.  Outside, the guide tells us that this is the building were the most physical things have happened.  People have been scratched, touched (inappropriately at times), pushed.  Last weekend a man was pushed so hard his hat flew off.  So all 22 of us and the 3 employees are wandering around two small adjacent rooms, look at the displays, looking in the cells.  There is a cell that has an 8x10 photo of the woman that stayed in there after she murdered her daughter.  They thought she was the one causing the problem and the photo was suggested as a remedy but so far, they say they haven't found it helpful.  The girl that was afraid of the spider (she isn't a girl exactly, she is probably 30ish) is there with 2 other ladies.  One of them says something and then crouches down by the wall like she got dizzy.  Then someone notices her face is isn't right.

Outside, her face is inspected with a lot of flashlight power and there are several red welts on her right cheek.  It looks like she was slapped or scratched.  She says it doesn't hurt only that they feel hot.  Several people feel her face and claim it does feel hot and that the welts are definitely raised.

Here's the thing.  I don't think she faked it.  We were all in the room so it would have been hard for her to hit or scratch herself hard enough to make those marks without someone noticing.  She claims she "isn't a believer" but she seems genuinely shaken up.  The rest of the tour she is more subdued and she kind of hangs back from her friends and the rest of the group preferring to stay next to one of the museum employees.  That employee helpfully offers her an obsidian stone from her pocket that she claims will help ward off evil spirits.

I am not saying a spirit scratched this lady.  I am saying that whatever happened she didn't appear to cause it on purpose and it couldn't easily be explained.  One of the employees theorized that the spirits are upset right now after a group came in recently and burned sage and did some "smudging".  I did think it might be possible that this girl touched the wall where the sage was rubbed and transferred it to her face and turned out to be sensitive but she claimed it didn't itch or hurt and she wasn't rubbing it or acting like it really bothered her like an allergic reaction would.  Later, when we were getting ready to leave, she was in the gift shop and the welts were completely gone.  I had something on the skin under my nose making me tingle and burn a little and even though I did scratch and rub it, when I went in the bathroom later and rinsed it off, it wasn't red at all.  So again, I don't think she faked it.

After the official tour, David and I went back to the building where that happened.  We were playing around with the app and this time, a word came up on the EMF reader:  writer.  Even if the app is throwing up random words, the irony of that specific word wasn't lost on me.  And something DID ultimately happen to us that is really odd but we didn't discover it until today.

At the prison, we came across 3 dead birds.

 

You know I took pictures of all three.  This is bird #2.  Bird number three was completely skeletonized and I found it creepily fascinating.  If I could have brought it home I would have.  I recently ordered a microscope to take photos with and it should be here this week.  I could have added it to the partial chupacabra jaw/teeth segment I have in my car from a walk with Karma over the summer as a specimen.  Unfortunately, the photo of bird 3 I took with my iPhone, because of the angle and darkness, makes it hard to tell what it is.  I didn't ask David if I could bring it home.  I wanted him to let me ride with him on the way back.  The second and third birds were discovered when we were off on our own.

David and I are in the midst of a photography class that we have an assignment due for on Wednesday.  I was setting up to take a picture of him in the backyard today when I saw something over by our well pump.

 

It was a dead (and also headless) bird.

Because this coincidence (it is a coincidence, right?) freaks me out a little, I decided to look up the symbolism of seeing a dead bird.  Happily, it doesn't have to be bad.  The second most common thing I could find (as there were many) was that seeing a dead bird symbolizes a new beginning, akin to getting the Death card in Tarot. 

The most common thing I found was that I should call my county health department because we might have a rampant case of West Nile or Bird Flu.  Or because everything living dies, including birds, and this is Montana, the bird died of natural causes and a fox or a coyote or a mountain lion or a bear or some other carnivore made off with the head.  I am going to explain coincidence this using my original explanation in regards to the woman that had the welps.  

I didn't fake it and sometimes things happen that just can't be explained.

Murder Mystery: Glasgow, Scotland

Don't get too excited by that title.  No one I know bites it during this episode, not the big one anyway.  There will be other types of biting though.

We finally arrive in Glasgow a day late but early enough in the day that there is no way we are just going to sit around the hotel all day.  One of our party of four was left behind in Amsterdam to take the next flight so the three of us that have arrived check in at the hotel, dump our luggage and hit the streets.

 

The chilly, wet streets typical of Scotland.  That is the front of our hotel.  It is hard to see them because of what they are wearing but my companions are there checking out the fireman statue out front. Our room faces on to this street, it would be just to the left of this picture on that 3rd floor.  There is a bus stop next to where I am standing and one on that cross street as well.  The hotel is above the Central train station.  As with a lot of buildings in Scotland, our room has a heater but no air conditioning.  All of this and a 7 hour time difference will create an environment that is not conducive to sleep.

The other guys on this trip have been to Scotland before and they have told us we need to take a bus tour up to The Highlands.  Chris, the one that made it the rest of the way with us this morning, walks us over to the place where we can get brochures and, if we want, book the tour.  We get a lot of brochures but I really want to look them over before deciding.  As I look around at the rest of the things the offer here, I find a book I decide to buy for 6 pounds (around $10).

 

The book takes you on a murder-mystery-scavenger-hunt-walking-tour to Glasgow Cathedral, someplace I already know I want to go.  We have no other plans and the guys are on board to humor me so we head out to solve the mystery of which one of those people is our murderer and what weapon they used.

The original book did not survive the journey back to the US.  As noted, it is raining out.  Each time I get the book out to look at the next set of instructions/clues, it gets wet.  By the end of the tour it is coming apart.  The book says the tour should take us about 2 hours.  There is a little note about who has been killed but I don't remember much about that.  Most of the book contains directions to take you from one place to another.  Once you get to a destination, you look for some type of clue.  It isn't as easy as I thought it was going to be.  The cartoon look of the characters on the back is deceiving.

 

Also, there were no disclaimers about hazards in the book.  There were a few.

 

At work we used to have something called a "cookie foul" or a "doughnut foul" which involved someone eating only half of a cookie or doughnut and leaving the rest behind.  I hope dog  fouling isn't similar.

 

We run into our first snag at a cemetery.  A really old cemetery.  See how weathered and moldy that sign is?  They are all like that.  Some are so worn you cannot read them at all. We are trying to locate a headstone that has two brothers on it.  We need a date from the younger one to mark off one of the weapons.

 

The boys study a possible match.  The creepy factor goes up in a cemetery when it is rainy and dreary outside.  We are also the only ones walking around in here.  At least the only ones that are visible.  We make multiple laps, in groups, individually (even more creepy) but we don't ever find the clue.  I vote to move on, the boys agree but only after suggesting we circle back later.

 

The book takes us to a lot of places we might never have seen.  The clues are a variety of things, in this case, we are looking for some text on the other side of that statue.  To make it more challenging, it is written in Latin.

 

Sometimes the directions were difficult to follow.  We need a date off of that building at the end of that bridge but we should have found 2 clues before getting to the bridge.  It turned out we entered this area in the wrong place and the two missing clues are on the other side on a path to the right.

 

Our second cemetery, the Necropolis at the Cathedral.  I make plans to come back later in the week.  I want to go all the way up to the top and see what/who is up there and to check out the view of the city.

 

Mr. Livingstone I presume?  We hit our second snag between this statue of  David Livingstone and the Cathedral in the background.  There is a sign missing off the front of another statue in the courtyard and it appears that is where our clue would be.

While we are outside the Cathedral we find out that the guy we left in Amsterdam and the person who left Montana a whole day after we did have arrived at the hotel (which serves to highlight how bad our travel experience was).  They are given directions on how to find us.  In the meantime, we pause the hunt to check out the Cathedral, no clues lie inside.

 

The Cathedral is free and open to the public daily.  You can leave a donation, which we happily did.  There is a small gift shop in a corner and we buy a small stained glass ornament after being inspired by the amazing windows of this Gothic architecture style building. The building was built 12th century and it is, according to Wikipedia, no longer technically a Cathedral because it isn't the seat of a bishop and hasn't been since 1690.

 

I don't really care about all of that.  The building is beautiful and inspiring and what I really want to know is, is that for sale?  I have a thing for angel statuary, especially really big ones and, though it is hard to tell from the photo, she is life size.  I wonder what the shipping would cost?

 

I know this kind of looks like the other picture but this is a completely separate room.  There are a lot of nooks and crannies to check out here.  Lots of interesting stone work and stained glass and wood work.  There are tapestries and tombs in the floors below.

Back outside the rain has let up enough to take down the hoods.  The rest of our group shows up and we go from a party of 3 to a party of 5.  We are about halfway through the book and it becomes apparent to me pretty quickly that the hunt for our killer is going to take a backseat to hunting for pubs.  As we continue on to the next clue, the talk amongst the boys is primarily on this topic.  We have been walking for a long time and we could use some fuel for the rest of the walk.

 

And that's how it comes to pass that David eats haggis.  After trying mountain oysters a few years ago, I have sworn off food made from freaky animal parts and actually rarely eat any kind of meat other than fish or eggs anymore.  No haggis for me.  David doesn't love it but while eating at Taco Bell in the Minneapolis airport on the way home, they inadvertently finds a miniscule sliver of lettuce on his "soft tacos with no lettuce".  When I told him to get a grip he said he would rather eat haggis again than lettuce.  I think that says a lot about the general differences in food preferences where he and I are concerned.

All of the boys try the haggis and have some beers.  This is the first of 3 pubs we will visit before making it back to the hotel.  When we were in Amsterdam, we went down to the restaurant at the hotel and the Jackson Browne song from the movie Fast Times at Ridgemont High was playing.  He was the first in a string of 80s pop singers we heard that night.  This trend followed us to Glasgow.  Every place we went they were playing 70s and 80s "American" pop-music.  Madonna, Fleetwood Mac, Seals & Croft.  I didn't expect to hear non-stop bagpipes and Celtic Women CDs but I didn't expect this either.  While the boys finish their sheep stomach "meatballs" I check out the ladies room.

 

I have seen a lot of funny signs in bathrooms, mostly about what to do with your tampons and proper hand washing techniques involving songs from Sesame Street.   This is my first encounter with a warning about drugs and "offensive" weapons.

 

Does this count as an offensive weapon?  Unfortunately I don't get to find out as the TSA frowns on my carrying this with me when I travel.  I can't even wear my hair in a ponytail if I don't want to have a quasi-sexual encounter with a female TSA agent these days.

Between pubs we continue to look for clues but not with as much interest.  We never make it back to the cemetery where we had our first missed clue.

 

We fail to solve the mystery. We have 3 suspects and 2 weapons left.  We leave Scotland a week later and are no closer to the answer.  Sherlock Holmes would be disgusted with us.

 

Toward the end of our walk, we end up by the Clyde river (or is it the river Clyde?).  There is the rest of my entourage, walking ahead of me.  I get behind as usual stopping to take pictures of things that most other people would never take pictures of.  Like trash.  Or homeless people.  Or strange signs about drugs and weapons in the ladies room.

It turns out to be a good thing that I am walking a little behind the crowd.  When I hear the phrase "I think I just burped up some sheep intestines" I know that a safe distance behind is right where I belong.  I am starting to think that haggis could be considered an offensive weapon by some.  It is a good thing that Alka-Seltzer is legal and that I have some back at the hotel.  I think one or more of those boys is going to need it.

Buc-ee's: Terrell, TX

I lost my sister-in-law in a Buc-ee's once.  The one near Huntsville, Texas.  We were on I-45 between Houston and Dallas, coming or going, I don't remember which.  You can't miss any Buc-ee's as I was already well aware but at the time I thought this one near Huntsville was the only one.

It is easy to get lost in - or to lose someone in - one of these stores.  Cathy and I had wandered off from each other, as you have a tendency to do in Buc-ee's.  You can get separated pretty easily, even in the bathroom.  I went outside to wait and sent her a text telling her where I was.  She came outside later and was upset with me.  She looked all over for me (inside, obviously).  She never got my text.  Down the road about 30 minutes later, she gets a text.  My text.  As they say, technology is great...when it works.

 

In my defense, the day I lost Cathy, the Buc-ee's we stopped at was much busier than this one in Terrell is. I had no trouble finding a parking spot.  But even if they had been packed, I could have found parking, parking is one of the many things they are not lacking.  Parking, and gas pumps, and well...you'll see.

As I said, I thought the one in Huntsville was it but either I didn't realize they had more stores or they have added stores since we left Texas.  Now they have several stores in and around Houston and San Antonio, two that are strategically placed on the main arteries up to Dallas from those cities.  I know the one in Terrell didn't exist until more recently.  I have driven this stretch of I-20 between Dallas and Louisiana a bunch of times.  Many, many, many Buc-ee's-less times.

Coming back from Florida, I pass through Shreveport and that is where the signs begin.  "You can hold it!" they claim.  It is approximately 156 miles from Shreveport to Terrell or about 2 1/2 hours.  This is one time where there is truth in advertising.  Buc-ee's claims to have the cleanest restrooms anywhere and they absolutely do.  You don't have to be afraid of what might be behind that partially open door as I have been at many an airport.  You could eat off the floor in a Buc-ee's bathroom.  I wouldn't, but you could.  Not only is the bathroom clean but there are a LOT of stalls.  I can't stress this enough.  A LOT.  You are not going to get here and see a bus load of kids in band uniforms and be stuck waiting in a line 40 kids deep.  At Buc-ee's, they have you covered.  Room for everyone.

No picture you ask?  Sorry, no.  I could not take a photo of the bathroom due to my personal issues with people and their cell phones in the bathroom.  Why do you need to have this conversation right now?  In the next stall?  I am trying to have what should be a private moment here people - HANG UP THE F$%^ING PHONE!

Moving on.  Bathrooms aren't the only thing that make Buc-ee's worth stopping for.  If you decide to test the eating off the bathroom floor theory, there is plenty to choose from.

 

Besides having anything you could possibly want to eat or drink (copious amounts of Bud anyone?), they are a merchandizing machine.  I am barely in the front door and I can buy Buc-ee's socks if my feet are cold, or wet, or perfectly fine but in need of a toothy beaver.  All of those rows over to the left are candy.  Rows and rows and rows.  If you have a car full of small children, consider yourself warned.

 

Even those of us who are non-meat eaters or who are trying to make choices that don't involve large quantities of sugar are covered.  Salads and fruit and veggies galore.  Huge cases of them.

 

At the Texas Round Up area in the middle of the store you can get fresh made Barbeque:  Brisket and ribs and sausage and chicken and other assorted flesh.  Get it on a bun, get it off, get it to go.  Hot and ready.  They also have another deli section to the left of this out of the picture, a homemade fudge counter and a drink area with every possible bottled and fountain drink (plus coffee and other hot beverages) known to man.

Not hungry?  Waiting on someone lost in the bathroom?  Planning ahead for Christmas or birthday or some other event traditionally requiring a gift?  In need of personal retail therapy? Again, they have you covered.

 

Candles and picture frames and rugs and clocks and cookbooks and other kitchen items and

 

Men's, Women's and children's clothing, handbags, jewelry, belts, hats, shoes, scarves and tons of those trendy signs and

 

Looking for Texas themed items? You've come to the right place.  More clothes, hats, bumper stickers, aprons, pot holders and

 

Need a birdhouse?

 

Something with a non-edible chicken on it?  

(The edible kind are also available, I covered that already.)

 

Metal yard ornaments?

 

Ideas for bacon?  I almost got this for David until I remembered I would be the one cooking and then not eating the 101 things.

 

Anything and everything Buc-ee's.  Clothes, bumper stickers, backpacks, koozies, magnets, the list goes on and on and on.  Somewhere here at my house, there is a Buc-ee's neck pillow, like the kind you use on an airplane, that my brother bought for me.  I haven't seen it since our move but I know it is lurking here somewhere, grinning with it's giant beaver teeth.

 

Even at the register you aren't safe from the Buc-ee's themed merchandise.  Wondering what I bought?  Would you believe me if I said nothing?  

Nah, me neither.

 

I was going to get this and take it to my dad, I have to go by his house on my way to the hotel.  Then I noticed the seal was broken.

 

And then I saw this.  No cooking involved.  Dad would have loved it if it had survived the journey.  It is about an hour from here to my dad's house and I haven't had dinner.  Sorry dad.

Buc-ee's is worth a stop if you are passing by.  Even if you are in the general vicinity - say within 100 miles it might be worth a trip.  I might be inclined to make the detour again if I were hungry, or thirsty, or in the mood to shop, or in need of a mecca of consumerism.  Or if I need a bathroom.  Trust me...you can hold it.