Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness: Missoula, MT

When David saw that our local REI was having the Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness class (and it is FREE), he immediately sent me a text and signed us up.  We wanted to take this class when they offered it last year but I was out of town.  I'm glad he waited for me because I had a lot to learn.

 

They took us in the back storage room for the class. The sign is a little confusing.  They are directing us to go right for the class but then at the bottom are warning us of Zombies and to Keep Out!  We decide to risk it.

They are set up for about 40 people.  We are the 2nd to arrive.  I wondered if the three of us there would be it but they filled a little more than half of the seats.  Most were couples like us, one in the back had a newborn with them.  The guy sitting next to me is a little on the odd side.  You might be thinking, You went to a Zombie Preparedness class and people living in houses Zombies can break into shouldn't throw stones.  But he is weird in the way that makes you think that he thinks the show The Walking Dead is a documentary.  Incidentally, I have never watched a single episode of that show.  David would sometimes watch when I was in the room doing something else or in the next room and the sounds alone are enough to run me off.  Like when the kids were teenagers and were trying to watch Saw in the living room and I could hear it in my office.  I made them turn it off.

 

I'm not sure if she is supposed to be a Zombie or if she was in an earthquake and had to dig out of her house or what.  This poster from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC)  was on the door we entered through.  I visited the website listed at the bottom (emergency.cdc.gov).  No mention of Zombies. 

 

The class lasted about 45 minutes and the instructor actually has a masters degree in emergency preparedness (no emphasis on Zombies).  This class is basic emergency preparedness (they were honest about this at registration) with some funny stuff thrown in about Zombies.

There are some handouts and slides to explain the stages of Zombieness?  Zombieism?  

The one that I struggled with the most was smell.  Zombies smell bad.  But several times during the presentation hygiene came up - or more specifically - the possibility that hygiene won't be high on the priority list in any emergency.  We might start to smell bad.  How can I tell if David has turned zombie or not when his BO takes over?  And what about teenaged boys?  They smell bad all of the time.  Do we kill them and not take any chances?  As the mother of a son, I found teenage boys to be generally useless so I might have to give this more thought if the you-know-what hits the fan.  Even our dog Karma didn't like teenage boys.  Every puberty-riddled male that walked through our door made her bark and growl and caused her back hair to get up.  No other group of people or individual person makes her do that.  

You know what they say...dogs sense evil.

 

If you are inclined to deal with your hygiene, these towels might come in handy.  They are only slightly bigger than my thumb.  As their tag line points out it is "The Only Towel That is a Survival Tool".  Could be true.  If David smells good he is less likely to get accidentally hacked up with my Sog Tomahawk.  That would be ironically sad too since he was the one who bought it for me.  

During the presentation they show things that you can buy at REI, obviously this is expected.  But she didn't cram it down our throats and she also showed clothes that can't be purchased there, food that came from the regular grocery store and other things purchased elsewhere.  She also provided websites and information on other companies, some that I had no idea existed.  Like Zombie Tools.  This company is even based here in Missoula and they make tools appropriate for Zombie eradication - swords, knives and bladed instruments of all kinds.  After checking them out, I don't understand how Helena made the #1 city for Zombie Apocalypse survival in Montana.  

 I am set for blades.  David bought me a machete a couple of years ago that I carry when we hike and also the aforementioned Sog tomahawk.  He tried to tell me when I mentioned wanting it that the Sog isn't for chopping wood, it is for killing people.  I said, "What's your point?"  He is a very trusting man.

There were several things I learned in the class that I didn't know and other things I knew but might not have thought about again had she not mentioned them.  I took a lot of notes and it did cross my mind that people (the instructor in particular) probably thought I was the odd one because I was the only one doing that.  Here are a couple of notes I made that need to be shared:

• A shovel is probably your best choice for a weapon/tool combo.  You can use it "to bash a zombies head and to bury your poop".
• Boots are also a good choice as a multi-purpose purchase.  They are good for warmth, difficult terrain and "smashing brains".
• Guns are not a good choice.  Ammo is heavy, you will eventually run out and the noise attracts more zombies.
• Slow moving zombies are called Walkers.  My maiden name is Walker.  Take what you will from that.
• You will get bored.  Pack something to entertain yourself.  I mentioned this to a lady I work with and she immediately produced and gifted to me a tiny deck of cards.  

After class, I thought more about this than I expected.  Not about the zombies but about being prepared in an emergency.  David and I have a lot of the things they suggested we have but I realized they aren't all in one place.  If we had to evacuate our house in a hurry, we would be hard pressed to get it all together.  Iin a place like Montana where it is early November as I write this and we already have snow, we need to be prepared to be outdoors in harsh weather.  It is easy to think we will never need to leave in an emergency or to "shelter-in-place" but it happens.  We have already had a flood at our house (we have hip-waders hanging on a hook in the garage because of this, they could be handy in the future).  We could get snowed in.  There could be a wildfire (there was one not far from here the second year we lived here).  There could be an earthquake. 

I brought up what I was thinking about a few times  over the next several days with David.  He openly told me he was concerned that I might go too far and become a "prepper".  Until I make him dig a pit in the backyard for a secret underground schoolbus shelter (a real thing, look it up), I think he is overreacting that I might be overreacting.  I did investigate some things on the Internet including the CDC website and Ready.gov, the website the instructor suggested.  Most of these had the same lists of things you should have in your Emergency Kit.  It just so happened that I recently emptied a large Rubbermaid tub like the one the instructor showed so I decided it was time for us to make a kit.  Here's what I put in it.  The items with an * are things we already owned, I just had to locate them.

• 2 pair of inexpensive work gloves
• a set of 3 crescent wrenches in various sizes
• box of kitchen trash bags* (good for hygiene or trash)
• box of contractor bags* (can be used to seal up windows/doors for pandemic or hazmat problems)
• roll of duct tape (we had this but I bought a fresh roll)
• 2 Life Straws (lets you drink from potentially contaminated sources without treating first)
• 2 particle respirator masks (we also had these but they are well used so I got new ones, they were $1)
• a BBQ lighter
• 2 small flashlight/glow stick combos in red (the recommended color)
• Notebook/pen/pencil/sharpie*
• Tiny Deck of Cards*
• 2 sticks of Chapstick
• Bug spray & sunscreen
• Toilet paper - wet and dry* variety (this will be the new economy by the way)
• 2 large lantern-style flashlights with extra batteries (one of the flashlights is in the hall by the garage door, one and the batteries in the kit)

I put the kit in the hall closet where I keep my winter weather clothes: snow pants, coats, hats, gloves, scarves.  I could grab what I need when I get The Kit.  David also has a lot of camping stuff in the garage that could be quickly thrown in the truck, stuff like tents and cooking gear).

I also added the recommended first aid items to The Kit:

• Various bandages and bandaids*
• Scissors*
• Non-latex surgical type gloves* (I put in 4 pair and if you are wondering why I already had this, I dye fabric sometimes and it keeps my hands from staining.)
• Medical tape*
• Tweezers (I couldn't find mine which you would know if you looked at my eyebrows so I bought a replacement and one for the kit)
• Instant cold compress
• Bendaryl - liquid* and cream
•  Tylenol* and Advil*
• Asprin (for a heart attack)
• Imodium* (because, diarrhea, if the Life Straws don't work as advertised)
• Petroleum Jelly (could double as "entertainment" in a pinch)
• Hydrocortisone cream
• Rubbing alcohol
• Wet Wipes*

And Food/Water:

• 10 Gallons of water (we had none, they recommend 1 gallon per person for a minimum of 3 days for both hydration and sanitation/hygiene/cooking, more if you have special needs or a pet - which we do).  This the only thing not physically in the kit, it is on a shelf in the garage.  We could chunk in a vehicle of we had to go.  If we were at home, the ground water wasn't contaminated and we could get outside, we are on a well and could pump more.
• 2 cans of Spam (they actually don't recommend this because it is salty and bad for hydration but I had to get something David will eat)
•  2 pkgs Tyson white chicken chunks
• 2 cans of sardines in oil (for me, David will NOT eat these, even in an emergency)
• A large jar of Peanut Butter
• 1 box of 8 Atkins chocolate PB bars (low sugar - David is diabetic)
• 1 box of 4 Kind bars in chocolate/sea salt flavor

If we had to leave the house for more than a week, we wouldn't have enough food so I need to keep working on that. If we stayed here, I always have rice and potatoes and other staples on hand.  There is a Costco in Missoula.  I don't have a membership because I despise that place but they do have this:

 

This is the SMALL one.  If you look in the sidebar there is another bigger one for the bargain price of almost $4,000.  That will have to wait until David digs our secret pit.

 

I needed dry milk to make some bread a few days after the class and found that the store down the street only carries a Zombie Apocalypze size box - like this one of the same size at WalMart.  That is a 4 LB box.  If I bought this for The Kit I would have to buy 4 pounds of chocolate Nesquik to go with it or David would never touch it.

 

Poking around the Internet I also found you can get this Zombie Extermination, Research and Operations kit on the OpticsPlanet website.  For a bargain basement price of just under $24k.  

I don't think I have gone that far over the edge.  I did think that we needed to also prep our vehicles (again, cold and snowy here) so in the back of my car I now have (I also made David a car kit with minor changes):

• A bag of kitty litter (for traction, not hygiene); David is to get sand for his truck, it helps add weight to the tail end and can be used for traction (he had this in the past but we used it up sandbagging during our flood)
• 12 16oz bottles of water
• A fleece blanket*
• A sleeping bag*
• A first aid kit
• Wet Wipes*
• A flashlight and extra batteries
• A change of clothes* (I didn't do this for David)
• A 4 pack box of those same Kind bars (also just me)
• Ice scraper, snow broom*
• I can of Fix-A-Flat

I realized during this exercise that I don't even own jumper cables.  David is presently researching a stand alone jumper kit for my car so we can order it today.  When that arrives, I will make him take me out and show me how to use it.  I also want him to show me how to change my tire.  I did this exactly once something like 20 years ago and I put it on backwards (Remember that mom?).  Who knew you could even do that?  I am also ordering 2 NOAA compliant emergency radios (one for The Kit and one for my car) and 2 tools for breaking auto glass and cutting seat belts (one for each vehicle).  

The last thing they covered that I never really considered was evacuating while at work.  This is particularly stupid of me since I have had to leave my hotel room more than once due to fire alarms.  Once, it wasn't a false alarm and I couldn't find my room keys.  I had to stand at the front desk bra-less in my sleepwear to get a replacement key when they let us back in.  All while meeting a customer for the first time.  Not good.  Now I make sure to leave clothes (including a bra) and shoes readily accessible and put my car and room keys in my purse by the door before I go to bed.  I also added a small first aid kit and flashlight to the bag I carry on the plane when I travel.

The Ready.gov website had a list of items you should keep at your desk in case you have to shelter-in-place or evacuate and walk a long distance (again, prepared for extremes like the cold if you live in Montana).  Since I work at home, I have the whole kit here.  But David could have this happen.  I figure the kit in his truck can double for this.  Since he works at the airport, they have a pretty relaxed dress code and it can get cold in the hanger so he is usually prepared for that.  Being diabetic, he needs to keep some food in his desk and truck.  I am leaving it to him to handle that.  That is probably naive of me but he is a grown man after all.  I am also trying to get better about hanging my keys up when I get home so I know where they are and knowing where my shoes are since I rarely wear them when I am in the house.

There was one thing that they didn't cover in the class that was already ingrained in me by my dad.  Gas.  Not the "I hope you put Gas-X in The Kit" kind of gas but the gas in your car kind.  David is really bad about letting his truck and/or my car if he drove it last get really low on gas.  Less than 1/4 of a tank bothers me but he is okay with waiting for the light to come on.  And then waiting some more.  I finally told him (after more than 25 years of marriage) that this drives me crazy.  What if we had an emergency in the middle of the night?  If the Zombies are coming at 1 am you don't want to have to stop and get gas.  But in all seriousness, what if one of us was sick or injured?  We live 30 miles out of the nearest city with a hospital and we only have a volunteer fire department.  Our next door neighbor recently collapsed at home and had to be taken in an ambulance to Missoula and then taken to Salt Lake by CareFlight.  If I had to stop and get gas during a time like that I would probably freak out.  I am going to train him to start leaving more gas in the vehicles, maybe it will only take another 25 years of nagging gentle reminding.

As a former fireman, dad also preached that you change the batteries in your smoke detectors when the time changes.  Ours were changed recently (they were chirping at us) so instead, we bought replacement 9-volts for all 7 of them to have on hand.  But the other thing I will do now, based on this class, is update the kit at the same time.  I asked the instructor how often she rotates her food and other items that expire (like medicine) and she said she would do it that weekend, when time changed.  That weekend, I put The Kit together and went through our cabinets (food and medicine) and got rid of anything that was overly expired (defined by me as more than a year).  Like the sunscreen that expired in 2007.  For someone that can get a sunburn sitting in my office in a long sleeved shirt with the curtains drawn, it was particularly sad that I let that go so far past.  No more, I have a schedule now.

And because my dad taught me these extra lessons I decided I wanted to pay it forward.  I will be at his house next weekend and his birthday was yesterday so I got him a few things (don't tell him if you see him, I want it to be a surprise):

1. A solar-powered hand-crank emergency radio with am-fm-weather options.
2. A monogrammed (Stanley) Swiss-army style tool that has a mini-ax on the top.

 3.  For his food supply.  He considers Eagle Brand one of the 4 food groups.

I am feeling fairly confident there will be an emergency requiring pancakes at his house next Saturday.  I can teach my grandkids to improvise with their utensils using dad's multi-tool and to crank the radio until NOAA comes in while we ensure these products don't make it past their expiration date. 

My daughter knows how to make a fire by rubbing sticks together.  I think I will schedule her to teach a lesson after breakfast.  It is never too soon to start teaching the next generation of preppers.

 

Redneck Life: Near Missoula, MT

My husband is a redneck.  I'm not the only one who has noticed.  At his previous job it came up numerous times.  You can't go around saying things like "butter my butt and call me a biscuit" and not expect people think something is off.  There was an article on ABC News talking about the top 10 most redneck cities and how they decided the winner.  The winner was Atlanta and it had to do with things like riding lawn mower repair shops, taxidermists, gun & ammo stores and number of WalMart locations.  I've been to Atlanta and I'm not sure how they won.  I really don't know how Dallas-Fort Worth missed the top mark.  Or anyplace in Montana.  We have a taxidermist right next to the Subway restaurant in our town.

David has and does a lot of things that qualify him.  He has guns & ammo.  He likes WalMart.  He loves NASCAR (non-athletic sport centered around rednecks).  He hung a flag in the first window you see when you drive up to our house of a motorcycle.  He formerly dipped snuff.  We have a riding mower.  I am pretty sure I didn't see him dressed in anything other than boots, jeans, a western shirt and a cowboy hat until we had been dating for more than a year.  He had a really old beat up green Ford pickup he drove (and loved) when we first met.  He is proud of the story he tells where he broke off the knob on the radio after setting all of the presets to his favorite country station because he didn't want the girls he dated to change it.  Once, we were driving away from my parent's home when the alternator fell out of truck and started dragging the ground.  Bailing wire and duct tape gave out.

So when I was in a Pennsylvania toy store shopping for my granddaughter and saw the game Redneck Life there on the shelf, I knew we had to have it.

I'm not making this up.  It is a real game.  And yes, I am wearing a flannel shirt.

 

We have played this a handful of times over the years and one of our friends here asked if we could get together for round two with them.  They are considering giving it as a gift and wanted to remember how it works.  We arrange a party of 7 players, one more than the game technically allows. 

 

Because the max players the game has pieces for is 6, we had to improvise pieces.  The ladies played with the normal game pieces, the guys used various bullets.

 

The day before the party, I emailed David and asked if there was anything in particular he wanted me to fix for the party.  (That's to make or to cook for all you non-rednecks and non-Texans.)  He requested "something redneck like those bacon wrapped cocktail weenies".  They are baked in brown sugar and were a big hit when I made them once before.  This seals the whole party theme as redneck, not just the game, so for additional ideas I consult Pinterest and my daughter Amanda. 

 

Amanda is a certified party planner and I am assuming they covered themed parties, maybe even this one.  She suggests I make moonshine.  I had no idea people still did that but recipes were easy to locate on Pinterest.  You can also enter "redneck food" on that app and it will come up with lots of pins.  I consult my friend and colleague Marci, who has been to a redneck party before.  I ask what is the most redneck food she can think of and she answers "roadkill".  I am suddenly glad Marci lives in Iowa and isn't coming to my party.  As her second suggestion she says "pork rinds" which David loves so that will go on the grocery list.  I am not sure why I didn't think of that myself other than that I was trying to block out some a unpleasant memories.  First, David really likes the hot & spicy pork rinds and once he ate a whole bag while drinking beer right before bed.  About 6 hours later when I was dreaming peaceful dreams, he burped about an inch from my nose.  I almost vomited in the bed.  Second, after my grandpa died we were clearing out some things in his home when I found his old lunchbox.  It was the old fashioned kind and I decided to keep it.  I opened it to find a bunch of photos my dad identified as a "hog boiling". 

 

This is one of the less awful photos but it is pretty awful.  I don't know who that guy is.  I think he must be one of my dad's step-brothers or someone else related to my grandpa's second wife.  I actually witnessed this scene firsthand once in my grandpa's kitchen sink.  If my younger brother sees this he may need therapy.  I'm not sure he has gotten over the first encounter yet.

 

Grocery list in hand, I head off to - where else - WalMart.  I am standing in the spice aisle trying to locate cinnamon sticks which I cannot see anywhere.  I am standing next to a woman who is having obvious problems finding what she needs too based on the gesture she makes at the spices.  Not that gesture, she shrugs her shoulders in exasperation.  I say, "I know exactly how you feel."  She asks what I am looking for and it turns out she is also trying to find cinnamon sticks.  We finally locate them on the very top shelf and I reach down several containers for us.  She turns to me and says, "You wouldn't happen to know where the apple cider is would you?"  I said, "Are you making moonshine?"  Of course, she is.  She also wants to know where I got my Everclear.

 

I have to confess, the recipe didn't call for Everclear.  It said something like "180 proof grain alcohol".  I am a teetotaler and have no idea what that means.  My friend Tim is an ex-bartender and he tells me it is Everclear.  The lady at the liquor store has to help me find it.  When she asks what I need it for and I tell her - and that I also need vodka - she says to go cheap on the grain alcohol and spend more on the vodka.  Those red areas on the label are all about the high flammability of this product.  I am really glad I don't drink because I am pretty sure I don't want to drink something that has the same label warnings as paint thinner.

 

Back at home I turn on Pandora to the Outlaw Country station and cook moonshine and Spam and dump cake while listening to Waylon and Willie and David Allan Coe and CDB.  If you don't know who CDB is then you probably aren't a redneck (or married to one).

 









The game Redneck Life is pretty similar to the regular game Life with a few twists.  You still get a job and collect paydays and get married and have kids.  But you might have the kids before you get married.  And you will get divorced and remarried (at which point you must decide whether you will sleep with your divorce attorney - a decision which may have negative consequences later but saves you $50 at the time).  You have to ensure that your "rig" (car) or collective rigs have enough space to hold all of your young 'ens.  If at any time your young 'ens exceed the capacity of said rigs, you must buy another immediately. 

 

These are cards from our game of my favorite house (on the left) and my favorite rig.  I like the RV because it holds 15 young 'ens, which is usually (but not always) enough AND, if your house is destroyed in a tornado or explosion as mine was, you can live in it.

 

In this version of the game you roll the dice to see how many years of school you finished and that dictates your occupation.  Unfortunately, I manage to be fairly consistent every time we play with a roll of 5 which makes me the Ciggy Shack Attendant.  The problem with this is that if the Ciggy Shack is destroyed, which has happened to me twice now, you do not collect any more paydays throughout the game.  It doesn't matter if it happens at the beginning or the end, you are just screwed.  I think I missed about 5 paydays this time around.  This is made worse by the fact that you aren't issued any money to begin the game.  When you buy that rig or that home, as you are required to do, you are issued Check 'n Scrams which is sort of like a payday loan.  These come in $100 increments and we have run out so many times that we had to write in $500 on some.

 

The object of the game is to end with the most teeth.  You lose teeth in various ways, opening beer bottles, flossing, having bar brawls, coming home at the "wrong 5 o'clock" and so on.  At the "Day of Reckonin'n" which is the end of the game for you, you can buy back teeth for $100 if you have money or you lose one tooth for each $100 you are in debt.

 

I lost half of my 28 teeth during the game.  The rest, with the line through them, were lost at the end due to debt and I actually needed 10 more to cover all of my debt.  If you are noticing that my young 'ens have the same name a lot of the time, that isn't my doing.  All of your stepkids, which you will absolutely have, are named Daryl.  All other kids are either named when they are issued or you roll the dice for their name.  You lose $10 of your payday for each kid which, after my Daryl's didn't matter since the Ciggy Shack was "blowed up" and I was unemployed.  It is possible to lose your kids in various ways throughout the game (giving them to relatives, other players, leaving them at the Grand Canyon) but this hurts a little at the end when you get $25 per young 'en.  When we played this game with our son, he had so many kids he had to write the rest on the back of the score sheet.

 

Our winner was Kim, who incidentally had a TON of young 'ens, and we had the perfect prize waiting for her:

 

A regifted 70's jumpsuit blinged out Elvis nutcracker.  We have had this forever and I can't even remember now where it came from or who gave it to David.  And don't get me wrong, I love Elvis, even saw him in concert with my parents when I was a little girl.  Kim seemed happy with her prize.  We invited her to bring it back next year to pass along to the next winner.  This may have to be an annual event.  Like a NASCAR race.

 

Our guests are sent home with a large mason jar full of Apple Pie Moonshine and an tin filled with "redneck turtle candy" (pretzels with melted Rolo candy and a pecan half on top).  I think the party was a success.  One of our guests even inquired about the possibility of refills on his moonshine.

 

I like to think that David is the redneck and I am not.  But after the party while cleaning up I had to put away my birthday present he had given me earlier that day, something I had actively lobbied for.

 

My new tomahawk will perfectly balance the hunter's belt I wear when we are hiking.  I have a machete I wear on the other side.

 

And then I went in David's bathroom to get changed for bed.  No Victoria's Secret here.  David is just as happy to see me slopping around in a men's flannel nightshirt.

 

I forgot I hung up the washing earlier. 

 

So maybe I am a little bit redneck. You can't be married to someone for 25+ years and not have something rub off.

 

But I will always be the redneck that served the Slim Jim's in a china gravy boat. 

 

And that, my friends, makes me a redneck in a class all by myself.









Shootout!: Missoula, MT

Last year on the day before Thanksgiving, I was in the crossfire during a drug buy gone bad.  I don't have an photos from that day so I will borrow my visual aids from satellite maps on MapQuest and Google Earth and fill in the details.

First let me say it would make a lot more sense to me if I was writing this story about one of the many cities I have been to with a reputation for violence:  Pittsburg, where I saw the "Stop Shooting, We Love You" sign; Baltimore; Oakland; Miami; Chicago; Stockton, CA - listed as one of the "Most Dangerous Cities in the US"; Los Angeles or even Dallas, where I came here from.  But that isn't the case.  This shooting happened right down the road in Missoula.  And I gotta say, I never expected in a million years for this to happen there.

So it is the day before Thanksgiving.  I work from home when I am not on the road so I am sitting in my home office, alone, watching a file I am working on chug away on my computer, bored out of my mind.  This is going to take a while.  It is a BIG file.  I make the ill-fated decision to leave and go to Missoula, thinking (incorrectly it turns out), that I can run this one errand and that by the time I get back, the file will be done and I can move on.

Here is the layout of the crime scene:

Remember, this isn't a photo of that day, this is a fixed satellite image taken at some point.  You can partly tell because in November in Missoula there is likely to be some white stuff where that grass is and the grass would definitely not be green either way.

 

I am parked between Gold's Gym and the Credit Union.  Even though these are *not the actual vehicles, they are in exactly the right places and are even parked in the right direction.  The "Bad Guys" Car was facing towards the top of the photo and I am facing them.

 

I come out of the building where Gold's Gym is (they aren't the only business in that building) and walk directly to my car.  I sit in the driver's seat and look down to check my work email on my cell phone when...

 

BANG, BANG.  Two shots, in rapid succession.  And let me just say right now there was never a time when I thought the bangs were anything other than gunfire.  I didn't think it was fireworks or a car backfiring or a tire popping.  Definite gunshots.

 

As I look up, a man bails out of the passenger side of the car - which is the side facing me - dropping a pistol on the ground as he goes. 

 



He follows this red line which is taking him behind the grocery store.  As he runs the man in the driver's seat of that car gets out and begins shooting over the top of his car trying to hit the guy running away (he does, we will come back to that).

 

Referring to the map you can see that if the guy is shooting at the man running away, he is pointing his weapon in my direction.  So I make the decision TO GET OUT OF MY CAR.  I know, I know.  Everyone I have told this story to says WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!  I wasn't but I hope I was thinking subconsciously that I wanted something more between me and him than the windshield.  I go behind my car which has as a spare tire mounted to the back.  But as I do that, the guy from the driver's side has moved to the back of his car and he is laying on the ground.

 

"I'm shot in the leg, I'm shot in the leg", he is yelling.

 

I go around my car and am going towards him trying to call 9-1-1 as I go.  I am almost to him and am telling him I am calling for help when another car drives up, grabs the guy who is shot off the ground and they speed away.  I am sure if anyone had taken my picture right then I would have been standing there with my mouth open.  I couldn't believe it.  AND I realized I could not have told you a single thing about that car other than it wasn't a truck.  Not the color, make, model, etc. (it was a green minivan I learned later). 

 

While I am still in shock over that development another man runs up carrying a rifle in the crook of his elbow and he says, "Which way did he go?"  Some other bystanders point behind the grocery store and that guy takes off.  My only thought is "This is about to get a lot worse."  Thankfully, it doesn't. 

 

I still haven't managed to dial 9-1-1 and I realize it is because I keep dialing it on the password screen of my iPhone.  But as I look up a policeman is coming with his lights and sirens running.  Then a LOT more show up very quickly, some in uniform and some not.  And that's when I learn what has really happened.  The guy that got shot in the leg was an undercover cop.  So were the people that grabbed him and rushed him to the hospital.  So was the guy with the rifle.  He comes back leading the drug dealer who was the first shooter - the cop hit him in the leg.  I am never clear if that happened in the car or when the guy was running away.  They handcuff him and load him in an ambulance.  By this time, cops are everywhere and they are setting up a crime scene, complete with me and my car on the inside of the tape.

 

A young girl who worked at the grocery store was outside smoking and she saw all of this go down from the side.  She comes over to me and says, "I was thinking oh my god they are going to shoot that woman sitting in her car!"  I told her I had the same thought.  She asked if she could hug me and though I am not a hugger, both she and I are shaking really bad and I let her.  She is the only other person who really saw the whole thing go down.  She is also the only other one the cops are interested in talking to.  But that didn't stop lots of other bystanders from coming over and wanting to tell what they saw (mostly nothing). 

 

I had to call David and he had to leave work and come get me (after waiting to give my statement, probably over an hour and half later).  I cannot take my car.  They are setting up a tent and "command center" and they tell me it will be the next day before I can get my car.  This will be true for people in the gym and they don't even know it yet. 

 

I learned a couple of lessons from all of this I want to share with you:

• Don't sneak out of work to run errands.  If you do, don't assume it will go as planned.
• I am a terrible eyewitness.  When they took my statement they asked me how many people I saw and to describe them.  I only saw the shooter and the cop.  I never saw the other man in the parking lot who was with the drug dealer but not in the car.  I couldn't describe the shooter other than to say he was "white" which, in Montana, is about as helpful as saying he was human.  I had no idea what he was wearing, his size, hair color, etc.
• You do not know what you will do in a situation until you are in it.  I have already had some lessons in this one but it was a big reminder.  Some people panic (my daughter for example), some people don't.  I am not panicky.  That doesn't mean I think about what I am doing first, I am just reacting but I don't run away or cry or freak out.  I got out of the car without really thinking about it or planning to.  I went towards the cop before I knew he was a cop and I would have gone all the way to him and tried to help if he hadn't been grabbed up. 
• You can't always know who the good guys are or if there are any good guys at all.  Several people later said it was too bad I wasn't "carrying".  I am so grateful I wasn't.  In this scenario, the likeliest thing for me to have done was to point my gun at the cop.  I didn't know he was a cop and he never identified himself as such.  He was in plain clothes in a regular car.  He was the only one pointing a gun in my direction, the other guy dropped his (in fact, I had to point it out when the cavalry arrived because it was still laying on the ground, possibly still loaded).  The cop has no idea who I am.  I could be involved with the drug dealers for all he knows.  He could have shot me or I could have shot him or someone else on accident.  All bad outcomes.
• During a crisis, time slows WAY down.  This all took maybe 3-4 minutes from the first bang to the cops showing up with lights and sirens blaring.  It felt like a lot longer.
• Don't assume you will be in danger when called to testify against the drug dealers.  After my initial statement given at the scene, I never heard from anyone again.  Not the police, not the district attorney, not the defense lawyers, no one.

 

I tried to find out what happened to those involved but that has proved difficult.  I had already heard that this was a Meth buy and that there were 4 people, 2 men and 2 women, that conspired to rob the cop (of course they didn't know he was a cop...yet).  One of the women plead guilt and received a 10 year sentence, 5 of that suspended.  I couldn't find anything on the others but I did hear that one of the 3 was given just probation.

 

My next door neighbor is a sheriff's deputy and since this was a joint task force, I asked him one day if he knew what happened to the cop that got shot.  He said the guy had some nerve damage and that he has had a very difficult recovery, even to the point of putting his marriage in jeopardy.  When I asked for another update this week, my neighbor said that he is suddenly doing a lot better and for that I am definitely thankful.

 

This year I am also thankful for many other things - my husband, my family, my friends, that I live in a beautiful place like Montana (no place is immune to drugs), my job that allows me some flexibility in my schedule.  But I can make one guarantee right now: on the day before Thanksgiving this year, if you need me, I will be in my home office, right where I belong.

 

 

 







The Color Run: Missoula, MT

Back in the fall of 2012, I got the distinct impression that the universe was trying to tell me to get up off my butt and start running.  The idea crept in on its own and then 3 times in as many days, something came up about 5k runs.  The first was on an airplane.  The airline magazine had an article about "fun runs" including The Color Run.  Normally I don't even read those magazines and I never take them with me but this time, I did both.  Then, the customer I was visiting told me how she was running in a 5k that weekend.  The third day I saw someone wearing a shirt from the Color Run.  And on it went, there were more subtle hints and I kept thinking about it so finally, I looked it up and The Color Run was coming to Dallas (where I still lived then) that next April.  So, I started training.

Then we moved.  By that January I was living in Montana and would not be in Dallas in April to make the run.  Some time passed where I didn't train after moving here...we were learning our area, buying a house, generally getting settled.  But the seed had been planted and the universe isn't one to be put off so easily so eventually I decided to go back to training.

I should preface this by saying that my "running" would be laugh to some.  First, I don't run non-stop, I do run/walk intervals.  I don't know how fast I am running either since I don't actually track that specific part at this point but I do something in the neighborhood of a 12-13 minute mile.  So, not fast.  If you want to get nitpicky about my definitions here, you can probably just stop reading now.

And for those of you worried that this is going to turn into a fitness blog or a sad weight loss tale, you should be okay after this paragraph.  I am overweight.  I have been for most of my 20s and all of my 30s and 40s (so far).  I gained after my 2nd daughter and let me just say:  IT IS ALL MY OWN FAULT.  I am not saying things like stress and life didn't contribute but I am the one who ate what I ate and I am the one that didn't make time to exercise.  I was thin and fit all through my teens and into my 20s and have played lots of sports including at various time:  volleyball, softball, basketball and major league rules women's amateur baseball.  I played a year of soccer.  I threw shot put for the track team.  I ran the 2nd leg of the 4x440 relay.  But even back then, I HATED running long distances.  When the coaches would send us to the track to run sprints or bleachers or lines, I would be happy to lead the way.  If they said, "ya'll go run a mile", I would be the last one dragging in.  So I'm not sure if the universe really knows what it is doing at this point.

The Color Run didn't turn out to be my first 5k the way I thought it would be.  After I had been training (for no particular race at that time) about a month by myself, David decided to start joining me.  And "joining me" is a loose term since we start together and ride back together but don't really stay together the rest of the time.  I do my thing, he does his.  I walk faster, he runs faster.  The company he works for offered to pay for its employees to do the Missoula 5k which was part of the Missoula Marathon weekend.  So he signed himself up and after he mentioned this to me and I asked why he didn't sign me up, he signed me up too.  (Sometimes the obvious isn't so obvious to David.)

But The Color Run is still out there and I decided to look it up and see about doing it in DC or Philadelphia where I could go and see if my daughter would meet me there.  When I went online though, there was a star in Western Montana that had to be Missoula.  They have not had The Color Run here before (they have had other similar races).  So I immediately signed up.  My cousin was planning to come here for a visit at that time so she also signed up but the universe decided it wasn't in the cards for her and so we transferred her registration to David a few weeks before the race.

\

Here we are pre-race.  The race is being held at the University of Montana and they suggested you get there early as parking could be a problem.  We got there at 7:30 for an 8:30 start.  We could probably have arrived at 8:15 with no problem.  It is cold out, probably in the low 50s, before the race starts.

 

To help get people warmed up, the girl in the pink on the stage is doing a Zumba style routine for people to follow along to.  We weren't that cold.

 

People are dressed in all manner of things including lots of tutus...

 

even the men.

 

This guy who ran the race in a black suit.  They encourage, but don't require, participants to wear white as much as possible.  The bag that woman has was one of the giveaways along with a t-shirt, a headband (the group in the next photo are all wearing them), and some temporary tattoos.

 

There were lots of crazy socks and we saw a handful of people in full bunny costumes.

 

They do a conga line over to the starting line and the emcee gets everyone to sing "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus.  I think everyone but David knew the words.  They have multiple bubble machines going and people are cheering and, like me, taking lots of pictures.  I put an arrow over the emcees head so you could see where he is in relation to me before I tell you what happened next.

 

The Color Run's mascot is this unicorn.  He comes up right in front of us and starts dancing, trying to get either David or the teenage boy next to us to boogie with him but he is SO barking up the wrong trees.  While I am taking his picture - WHAM - I get hit right in the face with something.  The emcee, from the distance he was at - hit me right in the face with a bandana in a plastic sleeve.  He had been throwing things into the crowd before this but I never expected him to get things out this far, much less hit me right in the face.  The bandana fell over the barrier we are standing at and a kid picked it up and carried it off.  I think someone must have said something to him because he came back and gave it to me.  Normally I would have let him keep it but I was still out of sorts from being hit at all so I still have it.

 

They said "run on the left, walk on the right" but that was all pretty quickly abandoned.  David and I got stuck behind this one family a couple of times.  There were so many of them together (in matching family shirts) that they stretched across the whole road and you couldn't get around them on the narrow parts of the trail.  As you go along, there are "color zones" like the blue one here in the photo.  As you go through, they squirt dry color powder on you from bottles.  The color is dye in a cornstarch base and most of the workers aim at your chest or lower.  The only time that didn't happen was in blue when the guy threw it right at my face making me glad I had on sunglasses.  David made it through pink, blue and yellow with barely any color at all other than on his back.  I got a little of each but am really not overly covered at this point.  We both got more in the purple zone than anywhere else until...

 

at the finish line they hand you a color packet to use at the "after party".  We got turquoise, not a color that was also a zone.

 

So as you will see from these after pictures, we did more damage to each other than anyone else did.  David poured most of his packet down the back of my hair and shirt.  The next day, I still had color coming out of my hair when I washed it.

 

 

I took a couple of pictures of the after party but remember the guy in the black suit?  I bet his pictures are better than mine.  He brought a drone.

 

 

 

The Color Run claims to be the Happiest 5k on the Planet and people were definitely happy.  There were a lot of people in fun outfits, there in groups, laughing and having a great time. 

 

Because Missoula is about 30 minutes from our house and we need stuff from the store, we decide to go there before going home.  Some people know right away what we have been doing and others just stare at us like we are really strange.  In the first store a woman says to me "looks like fun" and I told her it was.  At WalMart someone took my picture (they thought I didn't know) so I may end up on the People of Walmart website (though I have to say a little color on my face doesn't seem like much compared to what I have seen on there). 

 

Another woman who sees me stops and says, "you look amazing!"  And do you know what?  I feel amazing too.

 

 

PS.  The color mostly came out of the clothes in one wash.  The skin was a little tougher.  I tried using makeup wipes on my face but just ended up looking like a smurf.  We both had to scrub pretty vigorously with a loofa to get it off.  Even then some of the places where we got sweaty, like around the bracelet we were required to wear, didn't come all of the way off the first time.  Even yesterday, David had some transfer back to his skin from a necklace he wore during the race that was over a week ago now.  So The Color Run may be over, but it will be with us for a while.

Hiking to St. Mary's Peak: Near Victor, MT

It's been a while.  More than a while, over a year since I have written here.  A lot has happened and I have thought to write many times but didn't.  The reasons aren't important.  I'm back now.  I may go back and cover some of what I missed...I may not.  But this is a good place to start.

On Friday I say to D,  "Maybe we could go for a hike tomorrow".  He says okay.  We have a book of all of the trails - which are numerous - in our area.  At dinner, we mention to our friends that we are considering a hike and Steven suggests St. Mary's.  There is a lookout tower at the top.  I assume he has been up there.  I assumed wrong.  Later I find out they had only heard people talk about this trail, they had never actually done it themselves.

We arrive at the trailhead about 9:15 after an 11 mile drive on a pothole-filled, rocky dirt road.  David said he felt nauseated from his breakfast sloshing around so violently.  He has the aforementioned book with him and has read that the hike is rated as "moderate", that there is a spring a little over a mile in and the wilderness boundary is a little over two miles.

The lookout is at 3.8 miles according to this sign and the book.  Remember, that is one way.

 

We have hiked much further than that since moving here and I don't feel any concern that I can't do that distance.  But we are still at the car.  The hike isn't what I consider scenic in that you are mostly in the trees.  A lot of the hikes here run next to a river, creek or lake so there is a view of and the sound of the water.  The trees are pretty thick and you can't see out across the mountains or the towns below other than during occasional breaks.  Not that I am looking around much.  The trail is steep and in places, very rocky.  At one point D checks some app he has and the trail is at an 11 degree incline.  I would think that somewhere between 8-12 degrees was pretty consistent the whole time.  There was one area where you level out a bit but it doesn't last long.  I do try to enjoy the beauty of this trail, even if it isn't what I expected, as much as I can while I am stopping for very frequent breaks to catch my breath. 

 

There are a lot of trees here that have either burned or have had some type of disease.  The bark is gone and there is a distinct twisting to the trunks and branches.

 

Several varieties of wildflowers grow along the trail.  There are differences in what we see at the bottom compared to what is at the top.

 

 

 

This one I actually know the name of:  Beargrass.  I'm not sure why it is called that but I am on alert for bears and have my bear spray with me.  On the trip down I see something black standing with its front paws up against a tree and my heart jumps a little as I think it might be a bear.  It turned out to be a big black dog.

 

 

As I mentioned, I am taking a LOT of breaks.  I liked to think that I was fit enough for this but that is clearly not the case.  Maybe the altitude is a factor but I don't know.  I have never been this high before.  I am pretty sure I have never been as high as where we started the hike at about 6800 feet.  All the years I lived in the Dallas are I was close to sea level.  I have only lived here 18 months and our house is at about 3600 feet.  I get winded quickly and my legs feel like lead.  And did I mention this trail is steep?

 

It's a little hard to tell that D is in this photo due to the color of his clothes.  He is right to the tree line.  Probably wishing he hadn't brought me along.

 

By the time we reach the wilderness boundary I feel really worried about the food and water situation.  We both have water on us but only about 20 oz each.  I had breakfast consisting of 1/2 of an English Muffin and a little peanut butter about an hour before we left the house (not even close to enough considering what we are burning).  I have a Kashi bar in my backpack.  D has a package of 8 cheese crackers and a protein bar.  We left the trailhead about 9:30 am.  It is pushing noon.  I feel weak and shaky.  I am stopping more frequently.  I have consumed about half of my water and hate to use more because we aren't to the top and we still have the walk down to consider.  D has already shared 1/2 of his crackers with me.  The voice inside my head is busy making mental lists of things I hate at the moment:

• My hiking stick
• My shoes
• My pants (which are too big and too long)
• My backpack
• Bumble Bees and Horseflies
• Rocks
• Dirt
• The voice inside my head

We meet a couple going the other way and she tells us we are about an hour from the lookout tower.  She says they have been coming down for 45 minutes. 

 

In the distance I spot a lake.  One of the bright spots on this part of the trail for me as I am more and more tired.  The book says this trail is best in late September because the haze common to this time of the year here will be gone.  Today is one of those hazy days.

 

The couple said that when we clear the tree line we will see the tower.  We will lose it in the switchbacks in the final part of the trail but at least you know you are almost there.

 

I SEE IT!  No really, it is up there at the top of that ridge.

 

We are a little closer. D says that when we get to this next part he thinks it will level out.  That gives me hope because I am still stopping constantly and feeling weaker and weaker.  Putting one foot in front of the other feels so hard.

 

It doesn't level out.  And it is time for a confession.  I have tried to get D to hike ahead and I will catch up.  I feel terrible.  My body is tired and achy.  I am dehydrated.  I am hungry.  On this part of the trail he could see me if he looked back and there is not likely to be a bear around and if there was, I have the spray.  About 20 people and half a dozen dogs have caught and passed us.  I feel like I am going to cry and have felt that way for a little while now.  I even put my sunglasses on so he wouldn't see if I did.  We stop and I drink some water and try again to get him to go on.  I really want to be left alone in my misery.  He refused.  I cry.  He can't help but see. 

 

I had this exact sensation once before.  I was in the hospital and they had given me anesthesia and I felt like I was going to cry.  I told the nurse and she said - go ahead, it does that to some people.  So, I choose to believe that altitude sickness does that to me.  It makes me cry.  It helps to let it go because holding it in the last little while has made it harder to breathe.  D suggest we head down.  NO WAY.  It is right there.  I can do this.

 

And I do.  And it finally levels out.  It is also 62 degrees here at the top so it feels great, almost cold with the wind.

 

Officially the top at 9335 feet.

 

Truthfully, since my cry, I feel a lot better.  I know I can make it back, regardless of the food and water situation.  It won't be easy but I feel confident I can do it.  Without stopping or complaining.  In my defense, I tried to keep the complaining to a minimum.  I didn't always succeed, but I tried.

 

The gentleman manning the watchtower lets me take some photos inside while we talk.

 

He has a small stove and a box of what appears to be dried meals.  There is a very small mirror on the wall in case he wants to see himself or shave?  There are measuring cups hanging from a nail.  The space is very small and this is his entire living/sleeping area.

 

Nice view from the bed though.

 

This is the scope he uses when there is smoke.  He said you look through this end and line up the smoke with the cross hairs on the other side.  Then you take the compass heading along the outer ring and call to Hamilton (the nearest town of any size) with the information.  Then you try to pinpoint the exact location of the fire by using the map and counting peaks or using other landmarks.

 

He also has this map that folds down from the ceiling.  He is showing how using a string that comes from the location of his tower he can cross reference that with the information from other towers to try and get an exact location of the fire.

 

I don't get to ask most of the questions I have.  His phone rings and he takes the call (which appears to be a personal call) so I leave the tower to look around before we head down.  I did have a lot of questions though:

• How long do you stay up here at a time?
• How do you get your supplies up here?
• What do your supplies consist of?
• What does one do to get this job?
• Do you like your job?
• Do you ever get bored?
• Do you like that people hike up here to your "house" or do you wish we would all just stay away and leave you alone?
• What's it like when storms come?
• How many fires have you personally seen?
• Do you have lights or do you simply go to bed when it gets dark?
• What if you have to go to the bathroom and it is dark?
• What if you have to go to the bathroom and people are here?

There IS a toilet.  In this photo it is a wooden seat to the right in the bushes.  It isn't well concealed, there are no walls, no door.  Anyone would see you sitting there.  The direction it faces ensures you would see someone coming well before they saw you but still.  I couldn't do it.  I don't even want D in the next room when I am in the bathroom.  But, he might have the best view ever.  No need for reading material.

 

Time to head down.  There are 4 college-age girls that pass us on the way up and I let them pass on the way down.  They talk non-stop.  I don't want to go down the mountain listening to these chatty cathys the whole way.  D and I don't talk any more than needed most of the time when we hike.  I like to hear the birds and the wind.

 

The trip down is much easier than the trip up and we do make it with almost no stops.  The only problem with going back down is that every few hundred feet a bumble bee or horsefly will come to check you out by trying to fly in your ear.  I have to take off my ball cap to swat them away.  They are persistent and annoying.  When we see the spring I feel almost elated.  I really have felt fine since I cried and D shared half of his protein bar with me but I am very tired and ready to be at the car.  It took us about 3 1/2 hours to hike up and just over 2 hours to hike down.  We learned a lot on this hike, mostly about what not to do.  And I learned that one person's "moderate" is another person's "strenuous".

 

We are filthy, tired, hungry and thirsty.  Unfortunately there is still the drive back down the 11 mile road where you feel like your spleen is being relocated before we can stop at the nearest place to eat, a Subway.  I am sleepy and since I drove up, D is driving down.  But what I really feel more than sleepy is a sense of calm.  Maybe I needed to push myself that far.  Maybe I needed to cry for no reason.  I am happy that I made it to the top, even if it was hard. 

 

My friend Joanne asked if it was worth it. 

When you are standing on top of the world, it is hard not to feel that it is worth it.